Decanting and Quitter’s Day

Previously, I penned some blogs about New Year’s resolutions.  I theorized reasons for keeping and abandoning resolutions while offering my 2 cents of methods to maintain those promises you make to yourself (wishing I followed my own advice).  I journeyed through the surprisingly complex history of resolutions at New Year’s time in different cultures illustrating an innate human desire to change for the better.

A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

Oscar Wilde

Regardless whether resolutions are kept or success is not achieved, those annual resolutions fuel our core belief that “hope springs eternal” despite the fact that most New Year’s promises are abandoned on January 12 (“Quitters Day”).  We may fail.  We may not even realistically expect to succeed.  Yet, we strive to improve with goals to be better.  We can start afresh with the calendar turning but one page.  Hope is why we make resolutions.

And still, New Year’s resolutions most frequently remain destined not to succeed.  Perhaps we may find improved results if we reset the ill-fated New Year’s resolutions.  Initially, we should recognize what works.  Even without resolutions, January 1 serves as an important milestone.  Changes with the start of a new year just feel right.  A fresh start; a new, clean page on the calendar; a new opportunity.  We take stock of accomplishments and shortcomings in the prior year at this time while looking forward to what might lie ahead.

No one ever regarded the first of January with indifference.

Charles Lamb

If not resolutions, or if something in addition to resolutions, what might instill change in us?  What might drive us to be different, if not better?  Start with decanting last year.  Slowly pour over the good while leaving the sediment of bad habits, poor performance, and rude behaviors behind.  Whether it is simple acknowledgement of your shortcomings or a serious examination of conscience, candidly reflect on those traits to seek that which to leave behind.

Alas, even after decanting the past year, you still have the same wine even if it tastes somewhat crisper and cleaner.  Some form of change is necessary together with this reflection.

I like starting projects in January. That’s the best time to start something. It’s so inward.

Carolyn Chute

Change can be as simple as modestly getting out of your comfort zone.  We like comfort zones as we feel secure in routines.  A comfort zone is the tried and true place where those around us and the surroundings are known.  We need not think about our comfort zone features or choices.  Comfort zones earned the right to be the easy part of our lives.

Do not abandon your comfort zones.  Think about small scale changes to expand your comfort zones.  Here are some suggestions to assist enlarging your comfort zones and each could yield other benefits.  Immediately, your perspective will change.

1. Sit Somewhere Else

I belong to a group of business professionals who meet weekly in the same banquet room.  Virtually everyone takes the same seat although there are no assigned seats.  Only when someone is late do they miss “their” seat. I make it a point to never sit in the same seat week after week, even if doing so disturbs the favored seat of another member.  In this fashion, I interact with whomever sits next to me. I discovered some fellow members with keen wits and observations based on side bar comments among us.  I developed more meaningful relationships with members who would otherwise have remained at a distance.

Anyone who regularly attends church or religious services understands that people squat in the same seats. The former pastor of our parish returned after about 5 years to fill in for our parish priest on vacation. The former pastor noted in his homily that even after the passage of time, all appeared to be seated in the same pews as when he left years ago. Of course, the former pastor was also seated in the same place on the alter.

Select a seat in a different area.  Your perspective will undoubtably change.  You will meet new people, all of whom still share your common interests.

2. Mix Up Your Music

One great enjoyment of mine is to listen to music while working in my home office.  My dog never objects to the tunes I select.  Even during client meetings, I have music playing very low in the background.  Among the “go to” selections when clients are present: Beethoven and a jazz compilation with songs such as the Pink Panther theme. During the Holidays, the Charlie Brown Christmas Special soundtrack plays for clients. I am no psychologist, but there does appear to be a calming effect of music.

When clients are not present, I also have my own “go to” music which appears to include a good deal of Bruce Springsteen and Jimmy Buffet.  However, any time I dig deeper and play artists I have not heard in a while, I find myself wondering why I do not listen more frequently.  I may be briefly transported to a different time and stage of my life, reminded of events I associate with that music. I may simply just enjoy the change of pace. To quote an artist currently playing while I draft this blog: “I Feel Good.”

Expanding my music choices does not mean I will have front row seats at next year’s Country Music Awards (although I am looking forward to the reunion of Rascal Flats), but these little changes make you feel different while appreciating that more is out there if you give it a chance. My notaries and witnesses who assist with estate plan signings will appreciate some musical changes during client conferences.

3. Eat the Unusual Item or Cook Something New

If you have difficulty expanding your culinary choices or repertoire, spend some time with two of our sons. Our youngest has no food fear we have yet to discover. He immediately gravitates to unique and different offerings on menus. Without hesitation or discussion with others at the table, he ordered the grilled octopus appetizer. Alligator nachos – bring them on! Without him, these items would never reach our dining table. His only restraint is when he must pay the dining tab himself.

Our middle son is the experimental cook. I often receive requests for recipes from him, typically followed up with multiple texts inquiring if he should add different seasonings or ingredients. For him, a recipe appears merely as an initial suggestion. Some will be winners; some not so much. Yet, there is something new and different when he cooks.

4. Take a Day Offline (No Social Media or News)

Depending on your own level of addiction to your electronic devices, this suggestion may be simple or a true challenge. Regardless, the internet will not crash as there would be one fewer user for 24 hours. If work or other demands require on-line engagement, target a weekend day or day off for this suggestion. People who take a day off per week from “socials” report initial fear of missing out followed by a sense of peace. The time away from electronic devices quite often is described as a small, relaxing vacation. Worth a try.

5. Discard Things You Have Not Used in More Than a Year or Two

Look in your clothes closet. Candidly evaluate whether those items at the end of the rack collecting dust will ever be worn again. If not, gather them up and make a trip to Goodwill or a charity which can get the clothes to those in need. The feeling of greater breathing room in your closet is outweighed only by the feeling that you take action to assist others. Once you determine your life can continue without those bell bottom jeans, look elsewhere for donations, such as shoes, jackets, and items in the garage and attic.

Once this process starts, it could become addictive. We have a collection of coffee mugs and decorative garden flags with images of grade school artwork from each of our boys. Parents are guilted (or tricked) into buying these items while the kids are in school. These future Picassos have been gently preserved in bins in our attic. With this approach to discard items not used recently and most likely never to be used again, we wrap up these precious keepsakes and give them to our sons as Stocking Stuffers each year. Their “joy” upon receipt of these gifts is very much outweighed by our joy of less clutter.

You know how I always dread the whole year? Well, this time I’m going to dread one day at a time.

Charlie Brown

Good Ol’ Charlie Brown brings up our basic fear or concern with getting out of our comfort zones. Change is scary, even modest change. Remember, these suggestions seek not to eliminate, but rather enlarge, your comfort zones. Following any of these suggestions, or those of you come up with on your own, will provide a different and a healthy perspective. It will also provide a spark to your day. You cannot help but to immediately reflect on the impact of a very small change. If you experience a positive impact from these modest changes, you may even work your way up to a resolution.

In Estate Planning, many clients hesitate or delay the process as it is foreign to them and well far afield of any comfort zone. They may feel that Estate Planning is but a discussion of their own demise. For such clients, we discuss their desire to provide for family and loved ones as well as to ensure that matters are easily addressed when the clients can no longer be in charge. That change in perspective brings the discussions back into comfort zones where the clients are still in charge of taking care of others. Happy New Year!